So I'm sort of back now. I am not yet quite myself- the world still seems like it's made of very sharp paper cut outs, and I feel very raw- but I'm getting better.

As I fluctuate, trying to sort out everything I missed and all that, the Gaurdians may still have to post for me now and then. I hope they were polite, but well... it isn't like I can actually *tell* them to be nice to strangers.

They're Gaurdians. It really doesn't work like that.

So, yes, to the OuterCircle and to my friends, I wanted to let you all know that I'm trying really hard to get everything sorted out. I don't actually know what Shattered me, there, for a while, but the Gaurdians are trying to take care of it, so I'm not supposed to worry.

Also, those important posts I was planning to make? Still intending to do that.

And last but not least, I would like to add- it is sort of a point of pride for me now, that I actually managed to swallow a full sized toothbrush>>> I mean, how many other people can claim that?

The High Lady Lo Akiima just spent two days in the hospital.

Because she swallowed her toothbrush.

Yes. Her toothbrush.

As most of her online associates know, Akiima is often very ill. She spends hours and hours sometimes, just vomiting. Around three or four years ago, the dry heaving began stressing her already weakened bones, and they began to fracture in places. So she began, if she started dry heaving for hours, drinking water and using a toothbrush to make the passage of it ease.

Not necessarily healthy, but not bulimic either- she throws up either way. One just takes fifteen minutes, the other two to four hours.

So two nights ago she calls us to the curtain she has hanging that blocks her bathroom from her bedroom, which is open to the Chresh at all times (except for DarkTower days). She says, "Please, please don't yell at me."

And proceeds to tell us that one second it was in her hand and the next it was sliding down her throat, gone. She says that she "tried to get it back, but couldn't."

As evidenced by the fact that the skin of her hand is nearly shredded in places.

And she says, "Please take me to the hospital. I'm fairly sure that this is a bad thing."

And yes, it is a bad thing. Especially as the many doctors in the hospital nearly got themselves killed insulting our sick, tired, in pain, shaking, scared, on the second and most painful day of her moontime, Broken Queen.

They did manage to extract the toothbrush, but she is in a large amount of pain.

Apparently, it caught on her sternum, tore her esophagus, bruised a lung, and was eventually painfully stopped on the apex of her stomach. The tube they used to bring it back up also did its fair share of damage.

On the bright side, she is recovering, but... hell, it was a long couple of days.

The specialist that actually got it out? Called her "STUPID".

Kamaricke, one of ours, the Consort, was... well, he was plotting that man's death on the phone with someone for a couple of hours, just to stay calm.

Especially as we were all sitting in that hospital room listening to our Queen struggle to breathe, feeling power gathering against her in her vulnerable state.

It was also, we might add, the second time in a week a strange and aggressive male referred to our Queen as stupid.

The next time it happens, someone is getting a broken jaw.

So, yes, she is getting better, "Broken" wise. She's translating many of the documents to send to "Sammich".

And has gone from "I miss her" to "I want to talk to her" which we think is a good sign.

--Keeping everyone as updated as we can,

The Gaurdians

So, "Sammich" informed us she had not received something that we believed had already been sent.

This prompted us to ask Akiima what she had done with it.

At which point she pointed to a folder on her desktop labeled "Chresh".

In which we found forty-five documents in mid-completion... spells, letters to "Sammich", a detailed history of the Chresh, an incredibly intricate timeline of events both Spherical and otherwise, and all sorts of things in mid-translation from Izzunian to English.

And yes, the letter "Sammich" asked us to send.

Sitting there, looking at all of it, she turned to us sadly and said, "I have to get better, now, huh? I have so much to finish doing."

She should be back online soon.

Starting Sunday, she began finishing the documents and putting herself back together. "Sammich" may expect her back online soon.

-The Gaurdians

On Wednesday of last week, our Queen mentally shattered.

The faults along her Broken mind widened and she had what humans might term a severe mental breakdown. The events leading to this occurring are considered private until she is sane enough to deem them otherwise.

She will in all probability make a recovery soon. We have, in fact, been awaiting this happening, which is why we had as yet made no move to contact her online associates to inform them of her condition. We believed the situation to be more temporary than it has become, as, in the past, she has restored herself more quickly. Those of the InnerCircle are aware of what happened that delayed her progress; those of the OuterCircle need only know that it is being dealt with.

We give the warning that, even though she will repair this shattering as she most always does, she will not be able to be as she was before the very first Breaking, in 2004. All Chresh are aware of this, and aware as well that her personality might differ slightly from what it was before this particular time.

Please bear with her while she regains her stability as best she can.

Also, please be notified, if you are a member of the OuterCircle.... You will be held to the standard of behavior first put into place during the war against Lyli'ithandra. Those breaking these rules will be immediately and permanently cast out of the Chresh. No explanations; no excuses; no re-admittance as an initiate.

Thank you for your time, and, as we believe this is not her fault, we can only apologize for the inconvenience of not informing everyone sooner, not for what has actually occurred.

The Gaurdians

Kamaricke
Torick
Fiius
Se'Corian

I am a tired, sleepy 'Kiimas who absolutely *has* to get up now.

So, yes... Neerg.

I am probably going to be making some rather serious posts in the next few hours to few days, as I have a lot to sort through... but right now the only thought going through my mind is pretty much, "coffee, coffee, coffee, coffeeeeeeeee....." or maybe, "tea, tea, tea, tea, tea!"

Like, really, really *strong* black tea.

Hmm, London Fog Tea Latte.

Yes, that sounds just about right.

Which means change jar. Which means Starbucks.

Which gives me an excuse to throw off my blanket.

Sort of.

Hmm, new thought. "Pillow, pillow, pillow, pillow..... piiiillllllooooowww."

Okay, right. UP.

Good morning, all.

So, this last weekend- counting, sort of, Thursday night, all the way until Sunday evening/very early Monday morning... was... hectic, to say the least.

Overwhelmingly busy covers it rather well. I know I claim that rather often; it does not make it less true, however.

At one point, I became aware, rather forcibly so, that I had been awake for sixty hours on just a few short naps... stacked up to meet six hours, but certainly not six hours straight.

And this was when I had *promised* myself that this weekend I would play catch up for the last week, since I had gotten so little sleep over the weekdays.

We dealt with a rather massive attack, a complete *thrashing* of the Izzunian Space Fleet by an over-taken Izzunian Operative, two separate meetings, two mother's day celebrations (hmm, Claim Jumper's veggie soup, salty but satisfying), shopping in the mall the day *before* Mother's Day (never again), a group wide illness (blegh), and... yeah... I'm gonna stop there.

On the bright side? Star Trek rules. Which I got to see for Mother's Day- although I considered Alexander *way* too much of a gift... miracle... to ask for anything, the Circle insisted, so I chose something we could all do.

And yeah, fangirl flail. Just... Flail.

Spock, ohmygods, Spock.

<fans self>

I almost think they geared this movie *at* the otaku in most girls, just from how often Spock and Kirk are like... standing way too close, snarking and generally being sexually implicating.

On an unrelated side-note... I miss... a certain someone I speak with online. Rather a lot.

I failed her this weekend- she needed me and I just...

I don't know when I would have written her; when I would have found the time. I spent twenty-four hours straight wearing heels, running around- my feet were so blistered that by thirty hours, I felt like if I even *moved* from my chair, I was gonna have to regrow the skin on my heels.

And yes, I did have to move. And yes, I did have to do a healing spell.

Also? I have a gash *INSIDE* my throat. It starts right around where the back of my tongue is and goes down to just slightly above my suprasternal notch. Its nearly a centimeter wide at its largest point, and it's been bleeding for about three days.

I have absolutely no idea when or how I received it, but being sick with it still there? Has been a less than lovely experience.

On the bright side, the cut on my chin is officially gone

So yes, now I can go get my picture taken with my baby.

Gods be willing I don't wake up with another cut before then.

So, something odd/interesting/exciting happened to me today, although, as usual, I am hesitant to trust in it for fear of disappointment. I plan on doing more research into the situation before I act on any of this at all.

But, still, I thought I would post on it.

So, today, Kedaeris watched the baby boy whilst Fiius and I went grocery shopping. We were out of nigh on every paper product we use- towels, the like- and other things, most urgently so. It's hard to make sandwiches for Kam to take to lunch without baggies to put them in or cheese to put on them, ne? Also- hard to care for a baby with only two diapers.

So, we ducked out, went to Costco, finished up there and headed home with a warm pizza for the rest of the group.

On the way back, Fiius asked to dash into the book store to get the new Battle Angel Alita book that came out this month, but it was not on the shelf. Since it's a favorite series of his, he went up to the counter to ask if it was in, whilst I went to browse the metaphysical section and see if there was a copy of a Hart work I was looking for online a few weeks back --- with the intention of sharing pieces of it with a certain someone we all know but who I do not talk about online.

Although they did not have the compendium I was searching for, I did have a most intriguing conversation with a woman who was searching the Tarot section for a new deck for her collection.

The conversation follows, paraphrased to some degree:

A- Me
S- Stranger
R- service representative who was working with her at the locked tarot case

A- <searches, searches... keeps picking up other books she wishes to buy... searches, searches... still aware of surroundings, semi-accidentally listens in on conversation near to her, picks up a book she might like>
S- No, no, we already have that deck at home... Hmm, oooh, ..... (indistinct) cards! I like the Fairy .... (indistinct) deck, but we're really into...
A- <without knowing why, comments to the woman> I cared for the Oracle deck, myself.
S- <turns, at first seeming nonplussed and disconcerted, until her eyes widen and she smiles brightly> And what do you personally use?
A- <blinks and flushes, realizing she just got herself into a situation talking alone, with someone she doesn't know, without a Gaurdian> Oh, a sixteenth century deck that I received tutelage in from my instructor.
S- Really? We're really into the animal totem decks right now.
A- <smiles, as this is what she was thinking of purchasing for Kedaeris's training> Really, how neat!? <is shown deck the woman is holding, before woman turns back to the sales representative, who is waiting patiently>
R- Have you considered which one you'd like? I can leave this open for you if you want and you can just keep looking.
S- No, I think I'll get this one. If I don't already have it at home. But... hmm <turns back to Akiima> Will you wait for just a moment?
A- <startles> Um... sure.
S- <turns back to sales rep. again> Can you please take this up to the front for me? I'll be up to purchase it in a moment.
R- <shrugs> Sure. Just take your time. <leaves with animal totem tarot card box>
S- <looks to Akiima> I don't believe in coincidence.
A- Ah... well <thinks to herself, "neither do I, really, but...?">
S- <continues> Look... um, would you mind talking to me for a moment?
A- Um... alright. <puts book under her arm and turns to give the lady her full attention>
S- I'm (left out) and I write a magazine about occult and magical traditions and study. I was wondering if you would like to write some articles for us?
A- <blink blink> I... really?
S- You're a writer, aren't you?
A- Well, yes... but...
S- My partner and I write a magazine online and publish it to certain pagan stores around the valley- we would love if you would write for us about your Tarot experiences. Here's the blog and... <proceeds to give Akiima all the information, including where to pick up hard-copies of the magazine, calling her partner to verify it is all correct and tell her of meeting Akiima>
A- <stands there, somewhat stunned and acting as an absolute idiot>
S- Anyway... we are also opening up a store in the valley, (left blank), and we would love it if you would come and do some lectures for us. You're writing a book, right?
A- Well... yes... <wonders how she knows this>
S- What is it about?
A- <stutters out a brief description of the book on Forbidden History she's been assembling for five years now>
S- Wow, that's fascinating. We'd love it if you did some lectures on that as well. We're always trying to get new talent in and get it attention. My partner is more aware of the historical and scientific bent to things, I'm more magical myself. But still, you could push your book, and once it gets published (not if, *once*) you can sell it at our store.
A- Wow, that's... wow... I'd love to...
S- <gets Akiima's info, they talk some more about being disillusioned by Psychic Eye, Akiima is told to e-mail them with examples of her work>
A- <stunned, wonders off to rejoin Fiius>

So, yes, that's essentially the encounter.

I still am so shaken by it, I do not know what to do.

It's just... odd- last night, Kedaeris was looking at Creg's List, for jobs I might do from home- even though I am already incredibly busy. At the time, I sort of... I wanted to wait.

I told myself, "if I am meant to find a job I can do whilst still being Queen, one that won't exhaust me cancer-wise or take too much attention from Alexander or my "other" job, it will happen. The Universe will see to it, and I will just... do as it instructs."

And then this happened.

I'm still wary though. I don't want to get my hopes up, or say "for certain" that this is the Universe's voice in my life, telling me where to go, until I know more.

Am I looking the gift horse in the mouth with my doubts though?
 

Eltoras, nendriima, cordas at verdus solas an miir.

Miir midos et minos, volas etra sole tinmirda toras o'vraid.

Solas melanquoire, Anriim'Kiiere

Trova veris altra hiiere oras ti agone vor terusnas.

Eiin miir midos et minos et s'hiole.

Pioorea edoras et eterni, nodas 'romiine deris.

Aeienmihre to doras peros destinya et horos.

'E'horos dosta en'mist voile.

Ensio, et tron minos est pra'eiare trovas nest minos atreviore.

--Akiima

....Apparently, I missed Annie *a lot*.

She went out to dinner with us last night, but was taken to the restaurant in a different car than mine- ie, too many of us for one vehicle, so we split up, much as I've never cared to do so.

So we get to the place we mean to dine... which, by the way, was Chicago Brewing Company (YUM, garlic knot *heaven*)... and she steps out of Jenna/Anriimas car wearing lipstick, which she was decidedly *not* possessing of before-hand.

Bright crimson, very shiny, and I could smell it from nearly six feet away. It was like... sweet, syrupy, fruit punch meets wild flowers.

It doesn't help that Kam had decided to dress in Renaissance-esque attire for the evening, so I was already... hmm, what's a non-blush-worthy descriptive tone for my mood?

She was... stunning.

And I walked up to her... and before I had known it, I had touched my finger to her lips.

Brought it to my mouth, smudged with color.

And licked it off.

Oh, gods, the look on her face <FLUSH>.

This, of course, had me confused and upset the rest of the entire night.

I do not wish to want a woman right now, let alone one of the Kiierya Chreshya.

I have loved them all, in different ways, for too many years for me not to have learned my lesson by now about how badly it goes... and how quickly.

That, and she... she's just "come into her freedom" again.

As I was getting ready to go last night, she had come and told me she wanted to show me something. "Something" turned out to be the bit of scrap she was carrying in her purse to wear later on when she found someone to play around with- and to be honest, I don't think I've ever entered into Annie's mind as that someone.

And I want... things to settle, now, before I touch anyone... other than Kam.. at *all*.

Things are too... strange; in my head and in my heart.

And as I stated...

...I think I'm still too hurt.

I cannot even bring myself to curl up in Kedaeris's or Fiius's arms right now, because I feel... tangled and stung about the last few months.

Not to mention the loss of Zoria, the loss of Tera, the regaining of Tera...

And the some-what loss of Jenna/Anriima.

And on a completely unrelated side-note---- OH GODS, the new Kong is freaky to watch alone and in the dark when it hits the bug scene.

Back to the topic at hand... I think that the most messed up the thing, though, about the "licking off my finger of the lipstick" incident?

I swear to the gods I can still taste it.


-----

On another unrelated side-note, Kamaricke found out about the thing with Guile, and discussed it with him. Tentatively? Things seem better.

Alright, so I'm a secret lurker on quite a few online author's livejournal accounts... especially Te's, brown_betty's, and rubynye's.

And now I must share some of the genius that is brown_betty's "let's talk about books" conversational meme.

Seriously- just read the first two pages of comments. I swear it's worthy.

I got to-

	</a></b></a>poisonivory 2009-03-24 01:01 am UTC (link)
	Seconding Stephanie Meyer on the "too obvious" list. Because WE GET IT YOU LOVE EDWARD. (Reply to this) (Thread)(Expand)

	</a></b></a>wintersweet 2009-03-24 03:30 am UTC (link)
	I was just thinking of the interviews with the guy who plays Edward, that I wouldn't have read except </a></b></a>cleolinda excerpted them, where he just outright says "_Twilight_ is Stephanie Meyer's id poured onto paper! And, like, ew!" Hilarious.

...and started cracking up.

A lot.

Wow, I think that some of my favorite authors have "id showing" problems.

Does that mean, by association, *my* id is showing? Oh my.

Oh, AND, to some of my new friends- you may wish to skip the Anne Bishop snark. I got all huffy reading just the first bit, so I skipped it.

I misspelled squick.

Edit::

This is more for my own sake than for anyone else's, so if it seems long and boring and rambling... or way too personal... just skip this?

For the sake of everyone else's friend's page, I'm putting my "sort out" under an lj cut.
( Thinking )

Sorry about that long bit of nonsense, to those who even bothered to read it.

I just... needed to think.

I blame it all on the one meme; it made me consider things I normally turn flaming red about.

Still Alive.

Sort of miserably so, though.

 

 

 

On the considerably brighter side, HA!, I win- the Universe is safe for another day.

Sort of.

Anyway.

-Hearts, 'Kiima
 

I cannot believe I answered this.

Also, spell check died in my brain. Grammar killed itself in mourning.

1. Is there anyone on your friends list you would ever consider having sex with?
Yes, desperately so... and not just within the Inner Circle either <flush>.

2. Sex in the morning, afternoon or night?
Night, definitely. When the power wakes within my blood and my flesh feels my own; when the sickness fades as my true self stirs; when Kam becomes hungry and his eyes glow emerald. I like to be with him when the sun sets deep beyond the mountains; when the grass beneath our window is wet with dew, and the cooling air of dying daylight sweeps past the glass, carrying the sounds of a city laying restless beneath the moon. That's when I feel strong; when I feel safe enough to trust someone with my flesh.

3. What side of the bed do you sleep on?
It depends on my mood. Sometimes I wish to feel cherished and warm, in which case my Consort sleeps between me and the door, with me against the wall. Other times, when I feel danger is near and my protective nature begins to pace inside of me, I like to be on the outside, to protect what matters to me most in all the world.

4. Do you masturbate?
No. I have never been able to... I seem to need a partner there. I find... I've never wanted sex purely for sex's sake... it's the scents, the souls... the pheromones heating on their skin, the feel of their mind and their soul reaching out to mine. Without that, the touch to... me... is unpleasant and awakens the past. That or... just falls flat; no reaction at all. Or childish giggling when I just feel ridiculous.

5. How often? Lately?
As stated, although I have tried, I have yet to ever succeed.

6. Have you ever taken your clothes off for money?
No, and I doubt anyone would ever pay me too. Although I did have a lover who wanted me to be a stripper with her; she even wished for us to take lessons in how to move on the poles.

7. Do you prefer showers or baths?
Bath, almost always. I run them so hot they turn my skin a painful red, sore to the touch; that they should fill the room with steam and the damp sharpness of my oils and salts. I love to settle back with lavender bubble bath and a good book; work the kinks and pain from my spine and soak the bruises and cuts that come with what I am. It is nearly my favorite pastime.

8. Have you ever had sex in the shower or the bath?
Yes, in both. I find it a wee bit awkward... slippery and intense. <flush> My favorite part of it is when Kam gets so frustrated with not being able to hold me as tight as he likes that he snarls, picks me up and dumps me on the bed, growling all the while. We'll still be covered in suds and shivering from the cold... but...

Anyway. The rest is Private.

And yes, he has thrown me over his shoulder. That much I can say.

9. Do you watch/read pornography?
I've attempted to. What most people call pornography I just find... well, either hilarious or somewhat disgusting. Empty eyes, bad music, and little to no affection written into the story. That... and I have a blushing problem. I cannot get through sex scenes in movies without becoming beet red and turning away; I am mocked mercilessly for this.

However, I do really care for written erotica, especially fanfiction or certain yaoi mangas, like Okane Ga Nai... which, I should state, I also like the anime of. It's... different, somehow. I like the portrayal of homosexuality in fiction and in Japanese entertainments. It is not so stereotypically offensive, as it often is in comedic American films. It reminds me more of home and of the men I love. Still, though, the love scenes themselves make me cherry colored.

10. Do you want someone aggressive or passive in bed?
With males I am normally quite passive and prefer a dominant partner to my submissiveness. But with females I have been known to take the more aggressive role; although I have been told it is in a bit mothering of a caste. I like to take care of those I am with; this takes different approaches with different people. I also have a bit of a... I like to be hurt, a little, and bossed around, if I trust the person I am with. When Kam is... moody, it suits this well.

11. Do you love someone on your friends list?
Yes, and again, desperately so.

12. Do you know all the people on your friends list?
No. Not only have we never met, I have friended those whose writing I have admired with whom I have yet to ever speak; in person or otherwise.

13. Would you choose love or money?
I have chosen love over money in the past; I would do so again. Both Kamaricke and I have passed over alternative futures in which we would have been wealthy, but not had each other- we have spoken and neither would choose to go back to different ways. We would have no joy in the money were we in those lives and without each other.

14. Your top three favorite kinks in bed?
Oh MY. When Kam is particularly... himself... he makes noises. Snarls and growls and purrs. So... yes, the noises Kam makes when he is a lustful Consort. On these same nights are my others- to be bitten, harshly and painfully, almost anywhere. And to be pinned, wrists tight to the mattress. He... will do all of these... grab my hands and slam them down above my head, bite into the join of neck and shoulder, and growl "My Queen" into my skin. So, yes, learned kink.

15. Has anyone ever gone beyond your personal line of respect sexually?
I am shamed to say, yes, and often so. I have had a bitter sexual history and many less-than-pleasant experiences; many of which I allowed to happen for fear of losing allies in wars or a lover who I told myself was not *always* cruel.

16. Where is the most romantic place you have had sex?
This may not seem so to anyone outside of my head... but... on the floor of the bedroom in the first place Kam and I ever purchased for ourselves, on the night of our wedding. It... the place mattered because it was *ours*; it was safe and it was home; I felt free and loved despite us making love on the carpet still wet from the cleaners.

17. Where is the weirdest place you have had sex?
The slide of a children's park at midnight... I think I was more adventurous during my lesbian days. Or perhaps that was my partner... she seemed so sophisticated; I was so afraid if I ever said no or hesitated or seemed less than experienced she would find someone more exciting. Years later; she informed me that she felt I had been overly sexual and that she had to continually come up with the energy to be with me. Sad confusions, ne?

18. Have you ever been caught having sex?
Yes, although it was my near misses that still frighten me; the idea of them, that is. I lived in a household with fanatically religious people who liked to use fists before tongues and tongues before reason; they were unaware of my sexuality and many time footsteps outside my door were all that saved my partner and me from a less than pleasant confrontation.

19. Have you ever been to a strip club?
Yes. I find it uncomfortable and strange, although I've had quite a few excellent conversations with the girls who serve drinks. I make it a point to tip well if I notice signs of childbirth, which always makes me feel a bit ill.

20. Ever been to a bar just to get sex?
No... I could never bring myself to participate in a one night stand. When I am with someone, it means I am willing to overcome a rather strong aversion to sex in general... something in their soul, their heart, their mind, even their scent must draw me in deeply, and I must be considering "forever" before their hands touch my flesh or otherwise. It is something I have lost lovers for- that all love must be true love to me.

21. Ever been kicked out of a bar or a club for sexual reasons?
I've been forced to leave a Wendy's. Zoria and I went there for lunch before going to rent movies; we kissed and hugged at our table as we ate, and then decided to freshen up before getting about our day. Whilst we were in the bathroom, the cashier came in and called us "disgusting". She took pains to remind us that "other *people*" had to use the bathroom we were in. Zoria and I had been in their only moments and were doing nothing sexual. On the bright side, we got our movies and snacks from Blockbuster for free, since we were so upset when we arrived that the boys there asked us what had occurred.

I know this isn't what this question meant, but it was really all I could think of.

22. Ever been picked up in a bar?
No, although people have tried. The funniest one was when I was still quite young, at Keg-A-Brew, there because my stepmother was a waitress for them, and my father walked up behind the man. My father, I might add, is a six foot four 250 pound elevator mechanic with tattoos.

23. Have you ever kissed or had sex with someone of the same sex?
Yes. I think that a person should be attracted to someone for their self, not their gender. I had, once upon a time, given up being with men for the fact that it often made me physically ill, and considered myself a lesbian. Now, I suppose I am bisexual.

24. What's your sexuality?
(I LOVE Perzephone's answer!)
My sexuality is an awkward fragile body containing a stronger self, that is afraid of its instincts but trying out of love. My sexuality is the scent of a Gaurdian, the thrum of magic on the skin like lightening up the spine, the taste of pheromones on the tongue making my teeth itch. My sexuality treasures love before lust, soul before flesh, and purity above pleasure. My sexuality is magic and moonlight, deep waters and sacred traditions built within a bloodline and housed within bodies straining to let something far more powerful than they are escape. It is the Spark of two selves meeting in the air above a bed that smells of blood and chocolate and wet orchids and home. It is a passion of eternities and memories writ into the mind from lives passed bound to one another through history, blood, and war. It is the escape into each other when all else has gone black, and all that can soothe the ache of battle is the thrumming of each other's hearts.

25. Had sex in a movie theater?
This is a later question on this meme, but it depends on what you consider "sex". Oral intercourse; yes, and not altogether willingly, so I have yet to decide if that counts.

26. Had sex in a bathroom?
Yes, as mentioned... also on the floor, both on wet slick tile and warm damp rugs. Kam is a fan, until he becomes, as earlier stated, frustrated.

27. Have you ever had sex at work?
No. And considering some of my jobs, that's probably a good thing- a Church Nursery, for example? Although, in the military, I wanted a girl so badly I could hardly stand it. But I remained loyal to my lover then, as I always have. Even then, would Basic Training count as "at work"?

28. Have you ever been in an "adult" store?
Yes, a few times. Zoria loved them- we would often get kicked out for her giggling, which I found adorable and worth the trip, even though I found them artificial and oddly lit.

29. Bought something from an adult store?
Yes- a body stocking only though, and really just because I thought it would look cute with some of my dresses. Which it does.

30. Do you own any sex toys?
(Poor Perzephone)
Only if you count that which is purchased for other things and adapted- scarves, nylon cording, rope, and the like. Generally grabbed quickly by Kamaricke when he's feeling particularly growly, even if it was not its intended purpose.

31. If yes, how many and what are they?
Again, just what was mentioned in number 30... but I've considered buying some, for when I'm with girls. Other female lovers were fans.

32. Does anyone have naughty pics of you or are you on film?
Sadly, and somewhat sickeningly so, yes. I was, at one time, very afraid of losing certain people, and allowed myself to become convinced to do something I would not wish to do ordinarily. Although, something neat came of it- I took one of said pictures and painted a portrait from it of myself on a blood stained mattress. It sold for four hundred dollars to a gentlemen at one of my art shows; making me, I might add, quite glad I had distorted my facial features when I was drawing it out.

33. Have you ever had sex with someone and called them the wrong name?
No, I cannot say that has ever happened, nor has it ever happened to me. Although I will admit now and then to feeling someone else within Kam when he is with me; but he has felt this also... so... yes, no that does not match with this question.

34. Have you ever had phonesex?
(Again, Perzephone is too cool)
Yes, I have. It was actually quite fun the times I did so, as we accessed the Spheres during, so our bodies moved there whilst we talked on Earth.

35. Have you ever had cybersex?
Yes, in as much as ex-lovers and I would "look in" on the Spheres and describe our actions online- it worked well, as we both could see and feel everything that was going on.

36. Do you think oral sex constitutes as a form of intercourse?
I think it varies on the importance of the act to those involved in performing it. When I do this for a Gaurdian, then yes, I consider it so, because I want to give them something they would value; because I enjoy doing it for them and it has meaning. When it is playful foreplay or forceful, then not really.

37. What's your favorite sexual position?
I am boring, I think. I like missionary, hands stretched above my head or clinging to the back of my lover. I like to see my lover's face- it feels more intimate.

38. What's your favorite sex act?
I like <flush> riding Kam, because he loves it. It's his favorite position; he likes to extol the virtues of his Queen whilst doing it too. So the entire time I'm resisting turning beet red and running away and he's murmuring worshipful comments about his Lady.

39. Have you ever had sex with more than one person at a time?
Yes; quite commonly actually. Much of the Circle is "criss-cross" involved, both Spherically and Earthly. Also, my first deep lesbian relationship was with two girls at the same time when I found I would lose Misty to Zoria if I did not support her having us both.

40. Who do you think has the guts to repost this?
Hopefully, a few people? I mean, *I* was daring enough, ne? And I'm... easily embarrassed.

So you're the collector turned over my stone.
Tore off my roof, invaded my home.
Well, look your fill. It's all that you'll get.
Don't pick me up, or else you'll regret.
I'm covered with spines, though they're too small to see,
but the venom they hold is quite fearsome indeed.
And don't think to skin me. My blood is alive
with bacilli against which none but me can thrive
and my muscle is toxic, and so is my bone,
and my spit and my sneeze. That's why I'm alone.
Mutation, you'd say. Misfortune, say I.
We come along once in a while. Then we die.
Our mothers we kill at the moment of birth.
We poison the goats on which we are nursed.
We poison the nanny whose hand gets too near.
Even a monster needs something to fear.
And that's why they keep us. They need us, you see.
Even monsters have monsters. The freakshows, like me.
The loneliest creature, the poisonous gnome --
so look your fill. Then leave me alone.
--Hradzka

V'ale andres an mistras, deloro eltas miin. Tane'hrorh e'vestras miit an veros ledras dorit t'n liin tros mistros eir. Est ancoriare.

Drovis, Kamer, to meiir viien a tourier, das est e'motian Akiima hiiar 'osta.

Est so'desyiien.

Est edros.

Est pestrominatas.

Est coriare.

Est minas drovist et.

Est minas dorlinias et.

Est anmii'rat comina.

Est caprit 'tan.

Est melancair.

Est co'vriit tromin.

Est solas.

Est solas per'man'i'ian.

Est solas avridas.

Est tromis etra.

Edoras.

Eterni.

Ah, Kamer, drovit est leriisyan. Leriisyan Gaurdian etras Kamer donit.

Kamer, das leiian eterni votre est. Das Leiian, Kamer, etra votre, est eterni edoras, a'vormiin.

A Viier.

A Viier, viic.

-Akiima

...I think.

Maybe.

Not sure I want to be though.

I sometimes wonder if it would be alright to hate my job. I'm fairly sure that sort of thing earns you a swift kick in the rear from the Universe however.

And I'm sore enough as is.

Stolen From Perzephone-

SUPPOSEDLY if you've seen over 85 films, you have no life. Mark the ones you've seen. There are over 239 films on this list. Copy this list, post it in your own blog & put x's next to the films you've seen. Have fun!

( Meme )

I have tried to watch every film any of the Chresh particularly like. That, and I watch television when I'm up being too sick to sleep or whilst I'm doing my work.

But still, that's pretty bad, huh?

Recently received-

"You're pretty good looking for a girl."

Yes, from a man.

Huh.